:<

No sleep. Pain. Lingering dizziness and tension from migraine. Legs hurt so much from PT. Neck feels awful.

Flashbacks. Cant close my eyes without flashbacks. Too many memories. Fragments and sounds. Go away. Go away. Please go away.

Want to cut so badly tonight. Haven’t in a while. Just a little… please just a little relief…

Never any rest, except for the dead.

I love you.

***

Finally slept. Woke up nauseas and tense. Is this what my whole week is going to be like? Darkness wants out. She showed me wanting to show up to therapy this week. She says she’s bored and wants to hurt someone or something. She’s tired of my whining like anyone gives a shit how much I hurt. She’s glad I’m in pain.

I wonder if this is because I’ve ignored thinking about hard things this week. I can’t. I don’t want to. Everything hurts too much and that will just add to it. I feel sick and weak. It’s my own fault, I’m sure. I deserve everything, all of it.

Depressed today; but lots to get done.

Today I’m both Suffer, Jesi, Suffer and Keep Going.