I can’t seem to do anything lately. I’m paralyzed by wanting to try. To be honest, I kind of just want to whither away. I wish my family would go away. I wish everyone would just leave me alone.
And then, sometimes I do want to chat about hard things and no one is there, probably because I’ve pushed people away or they just aren’t the people I would discuss hard things with.
I’m going down a dark path tonight. One of existential nihilism. If I remember that. That none of this matters. There’s a certain peace in that isn’t there?
Dying children don’t matter, dying parents don’t matter, dying siblings don’t matter.
All things perish – why am I even sad about it?
Sometimes, I just want things to be over.