Something strange is happening. I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t exactly understand who I am becoming but above the restlessness I have a sense of calm about it. Something I haven’t had in almost a year.
I felt lost in a forest with no path. Every where I looked there were just more trees and the only movement was light and darkness. There was terror as I saw shadows of myself moving from the corners of my eyes. When I looked at them squarely, they disappeared.
Eventually, when I became accustomed to my environment, I met them. I took long walks through the woods and listened quietly to the stories they told. I held some of them as they cried. I comforted them as they recounted horrific memories. Memories of pain and broken love. Some appeared like monsters in the night, eyes glistening and I only caught glimmers of their shape in what little moonlight broke through the tall trees. The would-be monsters revealed themselves when they were ready. I welcomed them, too.
One day, I finally saw a path leading out of the forest. But I looked back to where I had been walking for months and realized that the path was always there and that I had created it. Looking at my exit, I thought I’d feel excitement. But instead, my heart ached. The gratitude they expressed for listening and supporting them all these months had kept me quite warm. I had come to feel comfortable and safe in this forest, shielded from the rest of the world.
And then I realized, that this world is mine. It is me. And instead of being lost in the forest, I now have a map for when I return.