I had forgotten all about this photo. When my brother died, my mom pulled out a bunch of old photos and I took some of them home for slide shows/hand-outs for funeral stuff. And I kept this one photo out. Now I keep it on my desk. It’s a picture of my cousins and I, but I can’t help but stare at me and my brother Eddie. I totally lost it this morning and couldn’t stop crying…still crying. I’ve got a meeting in 15 min so I need to pull myself together but I wanted to post about this specifically. I’ve been staring at this photo off and on since February. Sometimes I look at it and I get upset, sometimes I get angry, and I put the photo face-down.
The full photo is below. And what I’ve been staring at for months, is how I cling to my big brother; his hand on me so closely… just like in one of my wedding photos, his hand is on my shoulder in a similar way.
I wish I could actually remember this memory. But I’m glad I have the photo. Eddie is also trying to throw a football at my other brother on the end (far left) – typical lol. J is cracking up and being silly, always a spotlight steeler lol. The other kids are some of my cousins (including the cousin who liked to play with me). I have no idea how old I am in this photo but I find myself wondering what life was like for her at this age.
One thing is clear, she loved her big brother and he loved her. In fact, he may have been the only person in her life that protected and cared about her.
I just wish I could have done the same for him…
I miss you Eddie and I’m sorry.
