I don’t know what it is that kicks off an entire night full of bad or wild dreams but last night was one of them. I tossed and turned all night. I was uncomfortable and I’m exhausted today. But overall, in good spirits.
In this dream, I find myself walking along a dirt road or trail. A wooden fence to my left, a pasture to my right. No one around apart from the group I’m with. It’s a chilly, cloudy day. I think these people are friends or family but I don’t remember who they specifically are, just that they know me and for some reason trust me (could even be Parts). I’m leading for some reason as if I know where we are going, but I really don’t. I’m just sort of following my intuition. It’s cold out and we’re all wearing puffy jackets and fall or winter gear. When all of a sudden I hear from behind me “Watch out!” and I look up and there is this massive bird – huge wingspan. I can’t tell if it’s an eagle or what, but it turns around in the air in front of me and starts to swoop towards me. At first I’m scared, but then, not. Instead of shying away, I think for a quick moment, “Don’t be afraid…and besides, you have protective gear on – you’ll be fine”. Hesitantly, I extend my arm out, look away, wincing a little, and hope for the best.
Suddenly I feel the whoosh of air and the weight of a bird landing on my arm. Surprised, but calm, I feel its’ powerful claws wrap around my small arm. The grip is tighter than I would have imagined but not painful. The bird seems to stop tightening it’s hold just before it starts to feel uncomfortable as it gracefully rests on me, my arm, its perch. I can feel it looking down at me, focusing on me. I was somewhat afraid it would attack with it’s sharp beak but I held steady and calm and so did the bird. In the moment, there was anxiety, but more than that, I had so much reverence for this beautiful creature. The bird then looked away into the distance, let go of me, and flew off.
The moment was short and after the bird left I heard all of the group behind me walking towards me expressing their surprise and awe at what just happened. It made me feel so special and honored. We continued our walk and the same thing happened again, this time with another animal. But that part of the dream is super fuzzy at this point. The bird section was vibrant.
It doesn’t sound like a nightmare but it was poignant and not necessarily rest-full. As if my mind was trying to make a point of some kind, send a strong message. Later in the dream, I remember feeling anxious trying to get a boat in a dark lake operational for me and the crew to travel somewhere. I remember feeling like I shouldn’t be there. Like there was a time limit on all of this because we would be found out and that was dangerous. I was desperately trying to fix the boat so we could leave. I wasn’t able to so I told everyone we needed to leave or hide. I’m not sure what that part meant. The fear of the journey? Fearing that I don’t have the right tools to carry me? It was weird.
The rest of the night was scattered dreams about painful or anxiety inducing things. Dreams about my brother J, dreams about being abused, bad dreams about people in my life I care about. I couldn’t sleep. I rolled around and repositioned pillows and flailed all night. And when I woke up, I felt like I was missing something or that someone was angry with me. So strange.
I had gone to bed writing about some very powerful and vulnerable feelings. I think I was nervous about sharing them. At the same time, I think there was a lot of self reflection about the power I have, my own individual power. What’s interesting is in the dream I was so sure the bird was an eagle. I remember its piercing yellow eyes looking down at me, peering into me. But everyone else saw an owl, they were sure it was a barn owl.
If you google “dream symbolism eagle” you get something like, an eagle in a dream can represent that you are living a happy and balanced life, that you have a sense of leadership and authority, and that essentially the power over your own life is limitless. In contrast, an owl represents wisdom, intuition, and knowledge. “They are often associated with death – which spiritually represents a big shift or change that is happening in your life. Because of this, owls in dreams represent a deep internal change or transformation, specifically related to your spiritual evolution.”
It’s interesting and it makes me wonder, is the owl how people see me? Or if I take a Parts perspective, maybe the “group” is finally seeing and respecting the wisdom in me. And the eagle, is the symbol of my own capabilities, my own inherent strength and leadership. In the dream, I don’t know where I’m taking us. There’s anxiety, but I lead anyway – unwavering in the face of whatever comes our way.
Who knows if any of that is right, maybe my own confirmation bias from last night’s thought dump, maybe a bunch of bull shit. Either way, the symbolism is rather striking, don’t you think?