Since Sunday night I’ve been super naturally “high”. It’s been quite nice because everything is hilarious and I almost can’t stop smiling. I’ve been working on a really cute illustration piece and it brought me so much joy last night I felt fucking euphoric (and no drugs/alcohol involved lol). I keep trying to explain this feeling to my group chat and they’re like “enjoy it” and I’m like.. I am but… like, I also can’t… seem… to come down. I hate to complain but it’s unsettling because there’s no…cause. I used to get this when I was younger too, suddenly I’d just feel Julie Andrews running in the hills happy for no god damned reason. lol And I would purposely sleep deprive myself so I could calm the f down.
Of course the up side is I literally feel amazing rn. I actually cleaned my room haha. I’ve got friends visiting this weekend. Last week I was dreading it and now I’m super excited and was able to plan a bunch of stuff for them which I’d been avoiding. I hopped on the spin bike and didn’t die (calf still hurt but it was fine). Working on some cool art – everything is god damned FANTASTIC. I couldn’t sleep last night, was up until 3am and woke up at 7am feeling exactly the same weird happiness high lol. I feel like I’m on the verge of cracking up any second. I keep getting shivers from my scalp down my body of just pure euphoria.
Here’s the thing… there is no reason for me to feel this happy and I can’t really shake it off and maybe its just me not being used to feeling good after months of feeling like shit? Or…maybe I do have bipolar disorder lol. But this is a thing that doesn’t happen that often so that’s kind of why I dismiss it. Plus my mood has been pretty unstable in general the last 6+ months.
It’s really hard to explain this to people… they don’t get it. No I wouldn’t rather be depressed I just want to feel even…. not this crazy high or super low. I am starting to feel a tad anxious about it but tbh work has gotten super busy so it’s helping corral some of this energy. I just know eventually I will come down and I just hope I don’t crash super hard…
What the hell is wrong with me…lol!!! haha 😂
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Update: Finally coming down this afternoon and now I just feel exhausted. Which is better than weirdly hyped for no reason. Feel the anxiety creeping back.. maybe that’s fine – feels more normal. lol