I just woke up a couple hours ago… passed out after work really hard (hadn’t slept much for past few days). But I didn’t know where I was… super disoriented. I forgot the day until about 30 min later (including the fact I talked to my T for a bit). Still not sure who I am atm – right side of my head is tingly… like it’s stuck…like I’m stuck – never felt this detached from everything.. my surroundings and my body.
Over the weekend I felt like a part of me died. Like I was saying goodbye to a different version of myself. Little me wanted to retreat with her stuffed animal and my part named Wolf. So Jesi did too.. not sure she wants to come back.
Emotionally… right now I feel okay … not sad, maybe even happy – which is just so bizarre. But I have no idea who I am and I have zero feelings for anything – just completely blank. I feel blank. No parts chatter – just entirely empty. It’s quite strange. Is this like what happened on Friday? It feels different.. I’m a little worried I’m going to forget this too. I can kinda feel my brain burying…everything.
This is okay right? It’s okay not to remember and to be someone else, right? I don’t want to return to my body … and I can feel wanting badly to SH… so badly… to keep the emotions from coming back to keep her from surfacing – it’ll only bring you pain little one… Jesi. I don’t want us to feel anything… even if it means being outside of body for as long as possible… or forever.
Current Mood:
Lost in a Starless Aeon (Mors Principium Est) I was trapped in a game that I never played What is my purpose, what is my destiny A game for fools, there are no rules I'll cheat this life, you will see soon That I am not your soul to test I'll find the edges of this maze And finally, I'll put to rest The emptiness that haunts my days You have made this world below The shadow of a dream My shadow is not for sale (Not for sale) So this is my last goodbye (This is goodbye) My last farewell Drifting through time Drifting through time and space I was drifting through time Laughter used to fill my days But now, only sorrow knows my name I am lost in a starless aeon This endless path before me Searching for the end An empty void surrounds me Now I descend I can't escape this darkness Into the sun I fly and though I'm lost This game I won You have made this world below The shadow of a dream My shadow is not for sale (Not for sale) So this is my last goodbye (This is goodbye) My last farewell Drifting through time Drifting through time and space I was drifting through time Laughter used to fill my days But now, only sorrow knows my name